How Did It Go? Reflections on #BEDN 30

I failed. Twice.

I was so excited to start #BEDN because I had been finding it hard to blog. I just haven't been able to muster up the energy or inspiration to put fingers to keyboard and write something. So the idea that the topics were already set out for me really appealed. That has been half the battle for me and someone else has done it for me.

I also liked the challenge element. Sure, I've been struggling to actually get on and write things but the idea that is is a challenge was a big motivator for me. And for the first week or so, I did it. I sat down and I wrote. I enjoyed it.

And then, I got poorly.

I had been fighting of this horrible cold that had been going around the office for over a month. I wasn't going to be I'll. I didn't have time. I was busy. So busy. And I kept going and going and then I crashed. I couldn't go to work let alone write a blog post. And I got behind. First I missed a day. Then two. Then three or four, I can't remember. I failed.

One of my favourite things I have ever heard about success and habits and achievement is 'Fail Small, Not Big'. What this means is if you are trying to achieve something, like trying to blog every day or going for a swim every week or anything else and you mess up... You don't just give up. You say, 'hey, so I missed a blog/day/week etc, that's okay, I'll just carry on from here'. The idea bring that having a small hiccup is better than totally quitting altogether.

So that is what I did. I picked myself up and I got back in track. I caught up. I did all the blog topics j missed and the current ones. And it felt good. So that was Failure number one. Just a small one.

Failure number 2 came later. Other things happened. My brain was full. I couldn't think. I couldn't process. I couldn't focus. And I couldn't write. This was failure number 2. A failure of two halves.

At first, I felt like a failure because I had been unable to complete something I had committed myself to doing. But then, I slowly decided to embrace my failure. And I embraced it as my choice. In direct contrast to my earlier point I made the choice to not start again. There is a lot of stuff going on in my head right now, and having a mandatory blog to write is just not a priority. It is not good for me. So I decided to fail big. I chose to fail for my own mental wellbeing and in that way, I feel I have won.

I would definitely do this again, and I would like to make it through the whole month. I would try to be more prepared though if I did attempt it again. I would try to write in advance and to be less tough on myself.

Last year I did Blogmas, which I won't be attempting this year in light of my #BEDN shenanigans. But I will be doing a few posts here and there if and when inspiration and frame of mind strike.

Thank you if you read this.

Love Charlotte x

Travel #BEDN 21

I haven't really travelled.

I've been to Disneyland Paris when I was younger and Austria on a school ski trip but other than that I have only been on UK holidays. I've been to lots of places in the UK but by no means have I been everywhere. Not even close.

 

I am in the position that next year I might be able to go on a holiday with The Boy, here are my current suggestions.

 

1. Hire a campervan, pick somewhere and brum around it.
   
2. Go to Cornwall, because I miss the Eden Project.
   
3. Look at the Fjords in Norway
   
4. Take the train to Barcelona.
   
5. Get one of those interrail tickets.
   
6. The Isle of Wight, chines, St Michael's mount. It's all good.
   

 

So even there I've picked three 'local' trips.

The thing is, is because I've never done it, I don't know what to expect. It feels overwhelming. I don't know how to book a flight or a ferry or n international train ticket. I'm not confident finding places here, let alone a hotel in another country. I'm terrible at languages. What are you allowed to pack? I'm terrible at packing light, no matter how hard I try.

 

I'm sure it's not actually that hard. Google translate will surely be a big help right?

Maybe I should start with a package holiday?

I don't know.

I have a friend at work who is always looking for good deals on flights and hotels and does it all herself but I wouldn't know where to begin!

I see all the adverts for last minute deals and flights and so on but I just can't get to grips with it all.

 

Dear world of people who know what they are doing, please help!

What is the best thing to do? What are your top tips?

 

I'm sure The Boy would look after me, I just need to commit to a destination and go for it!

 

Love Charlotte x

Beauty #BEDN 19

Beauty... Is in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty... Is skin deep.

Beauty... Comes from within.

Beauty... And The Beast.

 

I am not into beauty.

I don't wear make up. Not on a day to day basis. Not for most events either. Maybe twice a year.

I don't do my hair.

I'm not even very good at moisturisers and perfumes and things like that.

I am very low maintence in this way.

 

I obviously wash my hair with shampoo and conditioner. Sometimes they are even a matching pair!

I really enjoy a good face wash, but only with warm water and a face cloth.

Every now and then, I crack a lush face mask out but this isn't a frequent occurrence.

The closest thing I have to a regular 'beauty routine' is the I have to regularly wash the skin around my eyes with warm water and baby shampoo due to some eczema type thing I have going on.

 

I like the idea of looking after myself and not having to look like a tired wreck all the time but I just can't do it.

 

Love Charlotte x

Entrepreneurship Week #BEDN 18

I long to be those people who make crafts and sell them on etsy or craft markets or in those brilliant shops where each seller has a shelf or a bookcase to display their items.

 

The only problem with this is that I am not actually very good at crafting. I'm pretty okay and some things but I'm not actually very good enough at a thing so that I could make a living from it. I can make a nice thing for someone as a present but I can give myself plenty of time to accomplish this. Or sometimes I don't and I end up having to craft non stop to complete my ambitions.

 

I also get very distracted, I decided last year that I was going to make a Pinterest inspired pine one wreath. I went out and collected all my own pine cones and then left the sitting in a bag until now. I'm really hoping to get it completed in time for this Christmas. I have two blankets in progress. I have a half completed cushion over. I have grand ambitions for a patchwork quilt made of old t-shirts. They are all languishing.

 

This short attention span isn't even the only thing stopping me from becoming a self employed crafter extraordinaire.

1. I struggle to have consistent ideas of my own rather than just pilfering other ideas or following patterns.
2. I don't know anything about taxes or money or apart of that jazz.
3. I am not brave enough.

 

I admire anyone that has a go at setting up on their own. And I love unique things so well done to everyone that is able to make their own things and share them with the world.

 

Maybe one day, I'll have a go. I'll be sure to give you a shout if I do.

 

 

Love Charlotte x

Friday Nights Out # BEDN 20

I have been out clubbing about 6 times. It's not for me.

 

Having already said that I would prefer a Friday night in, now talking about my perfect Friday night out feels a bit fraudulent. But just because I like a night in, doesn't mean I don't enjoy some types of night out.

I don't like stopping out until the wee hours, drunk and not remembering anything. And besides, the bass in nightclubs makes me feel sick. The last night out I went on was about 6 years ago. It was Christmas time. I slipped on some ice outside a club we had been queuing in the freezing cold. I did make it in but after about 10 minutes I decided my arm hurt and I went home. In the morning I had a massive lump in my arm where I fell. I promptly decided nights out like that weren't for me.

If you actually know me though, you will know the reason that I have missed the last two days posts (I promise to try and do those this weekend) is because on Wednesday night, or should I say Thursday morning, I got in and to bed at 3am. I had 2.5 hours sleep and then went to work. It was fine, but I had to go to bed at 8pm on Thursday night. And to be honest, I might not make it much later than the time of posting this today!

Now, it wasn't a Friday night out big I wish it had been a Friday because then I could've had a lie in! What is was, was a midnight screening of the final Hunger Games film: Mockingjay Part 2. So the evening started as somewhere between a night in and a night out. Essentially, it was a night in but at someone else's house! We had pizza and snacks and watched the previous Hunger Games films. And then we went out to the cinema. It was a night out in my book. I don't go to the cinema much any more, it's just so expensive these days. But what I do still like is event cinema. Where it's something I really want to see and there's something special about it. I'll make the effort for that and boy was it worth it.

My next Friday night out that I have planned is a theatre night. We will go for a meal first. Then we will go to the show. And then, we will wend our way home, possibly looking for a dark spot to look up at that stars. Now that, for me at least, is a brilliant night out.

 

Love Charlotte x

 

Home Sweet Home #BEDN 17

I have spent the last 5 years saving up for a deposit to buy a house.

It turns out houses are expensive.

And that if you don't have a very big wage, banks don't want to lend you very much money.

And I'm a bit snobby and I don't want to buy any old dump. There are somethings that I just don't want to compromise on.

 

I am happy though, to buy a fixer-upper. I would love to put my on stamp on place and turn a house into a home.

 

Home to me means safety. It means cosy. It means refuge. It means family and friends and fun.

A home should be inviting. It should be the sort of place with lots of comfy seating and good food.

I want to create my home. To build it up over time. I can't deny I quite like IKEA but I don't want to fill my home with it. I want to curate it, a bit of furniture from here, a painting from there, a bookcase full of charity shop finds. A hand-knitted blanket in every room, just incase someone gets chilly.

I think the best homes are homes that are lived in.

Not prestine. Not beige. Not boring.

You go in and you see washing up and piles of magazines and the throw on the sofa is wonky and there's a mug in the side.

I'm not saying I want to live in a messy house. But I like to know that people are using and enjoying their home, not spending all their time tidying and straightening it and making it presentable. This probably works really well for some people, but for me, keeping my house to that standard would make it just that. A house.

 

I want a home.

I want a home I can feel safe in,

I can feel happy in.

That I can share with the people I love.

I'm not sure when I'll get it.

But I will.

 

Love Charlotte xx

A Different Post / Antibullying Week #BEDN 16

Today's post was supposed to be about Anti Bullying Week.

This is a far more noble cause than what I am going to write about so please do check out the campaign here. If you are being bullied, please tell someone you trust. This applies to everyone whether at school, at work, on social media, anywhere. Bullying isn't just a schoolyard thing but you mustn't let anyone stop you from living your life and being happy.

 

Today, I didn't want to write a post.

It has been a bad day.

I have spent most of it trying not to cry and feeling physically sick with worry and fear and anxiety.

And so much of that was because I didn't and don't know what to do about it.

I am not brave enough to take a leap.

But I am going to try.

It might be a small puddle jump first.

And then a little hop and a skip.

I'm not sure I'm much of a leap taker to be honest.

 

I am verging on bullying myself frankly. I tell myself I am not good enough. And then I tell myself off for for being so hard on myself. I am very harsh on myself and it's difficult to tell on yourself. I am a bit of a self sabotager. I think I, going to fix something and I end up making it worse.

 

I could've skipped today.

But it's taken me so long to get caught up I couldn't bare / bear (which is it please) missing another day.

I should've let myself skip it.

But I couldn't.

 

Sorry this is a waste a post. I'll try to try harde to tomorrow.

Charlotte